Blogs and articles come in many different forms and impart many different messages – from trivial to educational and everything in between. My purpose as I write posts for “It made me think” is to use my natural curiosity to reflect on the issues of the day and invite your consideration through the lens and focus of your own life. “It made me think” is a way for us to stay in touch and make a connection. I hope that some of the ideas you consider here may touch your heart or impact your life. Let me know! Share your comments, insights and suggestions about past musings, or future writings. It’s a way to walk through the struggles, mysteries and small moments of life together.

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It seems that social media can invite and sustain connections we would never have the time for.  For me it seems like a perpetual high school reunion and with others, an endless stream of “what’s up?” Some will share of the real, the relevant and the right now. Moments ago I responded to a friend’s essay about her relationship with her father and her healing after a lifetime of hurt, abandonment and struggle. It got me thinking…

It is often an interesting exercise to go back to old journals or “essays” and read the reflections in the throws of hurt and then to discover that the hurt was it’s own gift, as it was necessary and preceded the healing.  That now, with time, no matter how hard one tries, it is not possible to conjure up the hurt once again, as it is truly gone or placed in the new context of current life.

I wrote in a poem after crying for the first time in 17 years following the passing of my father… “To hurt to heal becoming real as walls come tumbling down. To know you’re loved for what’s inside, life’s joys can then be found.  And in your weakness you’ll find your strength and in your pain your hope.  All failure builds into success provided you learn to cope…”

To those who have the courage to embrace the fullness of life’s experiences and your response to them… Trust. Be present. Go there and be still, even should it overtake you.  Invite the support of others. These are your emotions, your thoughts, and ultimately the thread to your life lessons, discoveries, and healings.  Hope will flow from this.

Know that whatever is going on wants to introduce you to you.  Keep reflecting. Keep writing … as with my friend’s “essay,” it first blesses you and then if humbly shared, is a window for others to gain perspective and hope for their life’s journey.

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This is the season for graduations.  I often deliver commencement addresses for school graduations, yet graduations happen for everything from school to dance to sports to scouting. Kids in elementary school are getting ready to leave a familiar building and faces to move to a bigger school and new friends. High School students are throwing caps into the air and leaving the security of home to pursue a future that wants desperately to reveal itself and be created and college grads are making there way into a quickly changing and re-valuing job market.  Parents are graduating to empty nesters and teachers are saying good-bye to an empowered group of young people only to turn around and receive another group into their care and instruction.

Graduation is often seen through the lens of something completed.  It’s a good-bye.  A stage of life, a class, a level of accomplishment celebrated as finished. It should be!  Take the time to acknowledge, embrace and celebrate the achievements, all the effort and dedication… and the person you became in the process.  Then Commence to what lies before you. It’s as much a hello as good-bye.

Commencement means to begin. A commencement address is paradoxically a presentation about new beginnings at a time of finishing something significant.  The passing of a test is honored with a new test… the rest of your life.  The celebration of the greatest of accomplishments is the exact same moment where you are most poised on the threshold of what’s next. It’s a new possibility, a blank page or canvass waiting for your creative gifts of expression. Your choices express your passions, define your destiny and create the pathway to your future.

To commence is to begin with vigor that which draws you forward.  To remove the anchors of past mistakes, set aside any baggage or failures and for that matter successes and take with you only the wisdom of each of the experiences and most importantly the person who you became in the process.

Your dreams and vision will define your next steps. They will introduce you to the new questions that need to be invited, asked, explored and reflected upon.  Your hopes will give you the energy to take you forward.  Your desires will attract new mentors and teachers into your sense of purpose and if you are aware, proactive and secure, you will let them join in.

As you commence, let me suggest you avail yourself to those who may share your journey with you and to those who may be open to come along side of you to help you champion your future. Focus on the possibility tomorrow brings and act today on your commitment to a future you believe is worth exchanging your life for. Make choices that celebrate your values, vision, passion and sense of purpose.  This will give greater meaning to the accomplishments and new relationships as well as the struggles and temporary failures that lie before you.

Commence into next leg of your journey.  Your future wants to introduce itself to you. Who you become in the process of pursuing your future will be it’s own gift.  Trust the journey. Choose wisely. Commence into who you are destined to be.  May today be a new beginning and may tomorrow be your reward.

Posted in Change, Attitude | 2 Comments »

The cafeteria is being remodeled at the Bangkok Orphanage. The kids are gathered in the courtyard, where we just serenaded them with song and play. One member of our group, Jana Stanfield, can sing and the rest of us are simply stumbling choral backup dancers. Next, lunch is brought to the children in baskets and trays. We help in passing out food.

Our hosts invite us to enter the place where the children are cared for who are unable to walk and, in many cases, to even sit up. We remove our shoes as we enter, as the children are lying on mats and having lunch. The floor is their kitchen table. Let that sink in for a moment. The floor is their kitchen table. My spirit is thinking, I have so much and yet can feel so lacking. I am humbled.

What happened next, I did not expect, was not ready for, nor may never ever see again. Children with the most severe handicaps and limited capabilities, spoons in hand… feeding each other. They are unable to feed themselves, so they feed each other. With the little they have, they feed each other.

Charity, care, or compassion? Possibly it’s to simply meet the basic need of eating the only way possible. To forget themselves and to focus on another, they feed each other. The hunger is quenched and the human spirit is touched in the deepest of ways.
Take a look this short video and notice the smiles and ask yourself, “How may I feed another today? Where may I bring a little joy, hope, or show concern? Could it be that in doing so, my soul may the one that is actually fed?” In the background, Jana’s song takes on new meaning, “I want to be your friend, a little bit more…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73KoDK-Bfqs

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Visiting an orphanage takes you to places you don’t expect. It’s not the orphanage, the kids, the conditions, and the needs. It’s the places in your heart that become opened and exposed. First to yourself, and then, if you let it, to your companions. As you meet the eyes of a child, a connection is made. The only language the heart can truly hear is love. When in a foreign land, it may be the only way you can communicate.

Today we visited two orphanages in Bangkok, Thailand. The first was for kids with disabilities. We come as six friends and colleagues to see how we may bring some joy, if even for a moment to a child. Scott has toys, stickers and magic tricks. Jana brings her guitar and gift of song. Laurie is ready to lead the Hokey Pokey. Shari will demonstrate the three kinds of laughter. Mark will film and capture some magical moments and me… well I get to share a word or two though the translator and then loose myself in holding children who reach out for hugs or to be picked up.

We are careful ask how we may interact and the do’s and don’ts and protocols. It is our desire to strive to bring dignity to each moment. Yet, once within the orphanage with our gracious hosts from Hope Worldwide… Well it’s six friends and a group of kids.

So in we go for our first visit and within moments it seems that all is forgotten and children begin to coax us out of ourselves with their smiles and hugs. As the barriers of communication begin to quickly drop, so do the walls around each of our hearts. It’s our gentle prodding of our play coupled with their joy that meets across the atrium and within moments kids are reaching out for hugs and to be lifted from the concrete, into your caring embrace. Try to set a child down and they lift their feet as to say, “I can’t touch the ground, so not yet. Please, not yet. Just play with me in such a way that I get to be hugged.”

So this morning we both give and receive hugs for hello. The trinkets we leave behind are memories of the play and touch, the smiles and song, the laughter and the grace of connecting hearts… even if for just a moment.

It’s interesting that as we come to reach out, hoping to make even a small difference, they in turn give us a gift of opening our hearts. Often the waves of tears we experience are not about the conditions of the orphanage; it’s the condition of our own hearts being revealed. So you meet and know each other a bit… and yourself even more. Hugs for hello…

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The new exchange. Oreos. Yep. At 31,162 feet, going 483 mph, with a red hat and head phones for a view and two steps to the latrine, Oreo cookies have just become the new exchange.

I have allergies to wheat, dairy and sugar. A quick glance at the label of my little four pack and it’s clear this isn’t going to fit in my diet. Not without a bit of mental fog and gas, anyways. But for the guy behind me in seat 23H, now that’s a different story.

Raising up the package of Oreos, I say, “Who wants this, it’s paid for?”

“Mine, I’ll take it, really, it will go with my milk. Are you giving them away…?” the gentleman exclaims with childlike glee. Gosh, his little boy just showed up and he’s off to negotiate a contract and do a quality control check on suppliers in Hong Kong.

Now all of a sudden I’ve become his cabin buddy. Male bonding. You watch my back and I’ll watch yours! At the core it’s the universal value, a thoughtful gesture… simply thinking of others.

Something I can’t eat that could actually harm me becomes a confectionery olive branch, a token of camaraderie among two strangers. The deeper value is thinking of someone and reaching out without being asked. It’s the thoughtfulness of creating value and finding a way to acknowledge someone and invite in the stranger. The Oreos were simply the metaphor for connection and care.

“Damn. Thanks. This is great,” he laughed out as he dipped them in his milk.

Okay, now seat 22J is ready to pass in his tray and his package of Oreos is cracked open, yet still tucked within are three little treasures.

“May I have those?” I ask. Then responding to his quick nod, I lift the package from the tray and holding it above my head I exclaim, “more Oreos,” to the glee of the kid held hostage to a middle-aged body and life of responsibility. A simple pleasure shared.

So today, where can you take something of little tangible value, give it away and in doing so acknowledge the infinite value of another? Where can you create touch or connection and demonstrate care, concern and compassion? Where may a simple spontaneous gesture have a priceless impact on someone’s spirit? Where may even the empty calories of a timeless confectionery bring a smile to the heart of stranger? Where may you bring value to others and share a little bit of yourself today?

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A friend is experiencing her father’s struggle with cancer. There are all the treatments and the hope of a healing.  Then a few nights ago I received a text message imparting the deep awareness of the impending loss of Dad.  An exchange ensued, which if you reflect upon it, is our common journey with loss, change and the unknown.

Friend: I need prayers for my dad, please!

JC: Praying…

Friend: Thanks, bad news.

JC: Yes and trust.

Friend: I’m trying.

JC: Yes, and it’s really hard and it’s supposed to be.

Friend: Doesn’t make it easier to see the suffering. My pain is irrelevant. My dad lived a good life. He deserves much better.

JC: All pain is relevant.

Friend: I understand. The reality still hurts. You understand.

JC: Yep and you will in time.

Friend: I don’t’ know. All I know is hurt now.

JC: Then hurt.

Friend: I am.

JC: Then you are present.

Friend: I’m in an emotional crisis. I thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me.

JC: Goodnight and peace.

Everyone suffers from time-to-time, as it is part of the human condition.  Pain and loss are their own teachers. If you trust, then the process of suffering will introduce you to new gifts of discovery and growth. Please don’t cheat yourself out of this and be gentle and patient with yourself within the void of the unknown. Loss is supposed to hurt… and you hurt to heal. In a profound way, the pain is for you and for your growth.

Posted in Grief and loss, Change | 1 Comment »

Last week I spoke in Vernon Hills, IL for the most amazing event with both teens and parents combined into one audience. Imagine four hundred 7th and 8th graders with five hundred parents seated behind them. Their theme: “Can you hear me now?” brought out the questions kids, parents and teachers ask out loud and silently. “Can you hear that you are special? That you are unique? That you count and make a difference? Can you hear the message that parents and teachers care and want what’s best for you? Can you hear the quiet tug in your spirit, your conscience guiding you to good decisions… if so will you listen?”
It’s one thing to hear, it’s another to listen. To be here in the moment, now with someone and to really hear them inside. “Are you here? Now? Can you be here, now? With me?”

“Please be here!” It’s the cry of the heart to be heard, seen, and noticed. “Listen to me… please, please listen to me” is the real cry spoken between slammed doors, across kitchen tables, seated on the edge of beds, or during a long drive. Each event is potentially filled with caring conversation. “Okay, go ahead… I’m present and ready to really listen.”
I look out at a gym of hormones with tennis shoes and into the eyes of parents filled with every emotion from deep concern to apathy– from looks of “thank you for offering this” to “why do I have to be here?”

As I speak to this group I wonder… Who is here to listen and really hear the needs of these kids?  Likewise, will these young teens hear the parents who are here for them and with them? Will they be here, now, for each other and challenge all that is possible from one another? Will they stand up for the what’s in their best interests long term and against anything that could derail their and their peer’s journeys through adolescence?

Are they ready to listen and be here to hear?

Are you?

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