It seems that social media can invite and sustain connections we would never have the time for.  For me it seems like a perpetual high school reunion and with others, an endless stream of “what’s up?” Some will share of the real, the relevant and the right now. Moments ago I responded to a friend’s essay about her relationship with her father and her healing after a lifetime of hurt, abandonment and struggle. It got me thinking…

It is often an interesting exercise to go back to old journals or “essays” and read the reflections in the throws of hurt and then to discover that the hurt was it’s own gift, as it was necessary and preceded the healing.  That now, with time, no matter how hard one tries, it is not possible to conjure up the hurt once again, as it is truly gone or placed in the new context of current life.

I wrote in a poem after crying for the first time in 17 years following the passing of my father… “To hurt to heal becoming real as walls come tumbling down. To know you’re loved for what’s inside, life’s joys can then be found.  And in your weakness you’ll find your strength and in your pain your hope.  All failure builds into success provided you learn to cope…”

To those who have the courage to embrace the fullness of life’s experiences and your response to them… Trust. Be present. Go there and be still, even should it overtake you.  Invite the support of others. These are your emotions, your thoughts, and ultimately the thread to your life lessons, discoveries, and healings.  Hope will flow from this.

Know that whatever is going on wants to introduce you to you.  Keep reflecting. Keep writing … as with my friend’s “essay,” it first blesses you and then if humbly shared, is a window for others to gain perspective and hope for their life’s journey.

A friend is experiencing her father’s struggle with cancer. There are all the treatments and the hope of a healing.  Then a few nights ago I received a text message imparting the deep awareness of the impending loss of Dad.  An exchange ensued, which if you reflect upon it, is our common journey with loss, change and the unknown.

Friend: I need prayers for my dad, please!

JC: Praying…

Friend: Thanks, bad news.

JC: Yes and trust.

Friend: I’m trying.

JC: Yes, and it’s really hard and it’s supposed to be.

Friend: Doesn’t make it easier to see the suffering. My pain is irrelevant. My dad lived a good life. He deserves much better.

JC: All pain is relevant.

Friend: I understand. The reality still hurts. You understand.

JC: Yep and you will in time.

Friend: I don’t’ know. All I know is hurt now.

JC: Then hurt.

Friend: I am.

JC: Then you are present.

Friend: I’m in an emotional crisis. I thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me.

JC: Goodnight and peace.

Everyone suffers from time-to-time, as it is part of the human condition.  Pain and loss are their own teachers. If you trust, then the process of suffering will introduce you to new gifts of discovery and growth. Please don’t cheat yourself out of this and be gentle and patient with yourself within the void of the unknown. Loss is supposed to hurt… and you hurt to heal. In a profound way, the pain is for you and for your growth.