THE PRESS-CITIZEN
Author helps parents with parenting
By Linda I. Huang /The Press-Citizen
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| Motivational speaker John Crudele
makes a point about parenting Wednesday at Regina. |
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This was the main question posed to area parents who attended
a special Wednesday evening presentation by nationally-known speaker
John Crudele at Regina High School.
An expert on youth and family issues, Crudele is also the author
of the book, Making Sense of Adolescence: How to Parent
from the Heart. He has appeared on such popular talk
shows as Jenny Jones and The Ricki Lake Show.
Joe Dwyer was one of the 120 people in the audience at Regina
Wednesday night. The Iowa City man has two children attending
Regina schools: Julie is a seventh-grader and John is a fourth-grader.
Dwyer said that he ventured out into the cold Wednesday evening
to hear Crudele speak because he took the responsibility of
parenting most seriously.
“There are no real experts, so I’ve always remained
open to new ideas,” he said.
“I’m interested in learning what seems to be working
and finding out new ways to keep the lines of communication
open between my children and me.”
Crudele began his presentation by telling his audience that
parenting should be a privilege enjoyed by all.
“I spoke with Regina kids earlier today and spent one
hour and 15 minutes with them,” he said.
“I felt privileged just to get that time with them. You
get them every day. Do you feel privileged as well?”
He told parents that their children are mirrors of the environment
in which they were raised.
“So, if we don’t like the kids being turned out
these days, does that mean we need to fix the kids?” he
asked.
Crudele warned his audience that such thinking is usually more
detrimental than beneficial.
“Remember, we don’t fix our kids,” he said.
“We only fix our cats and dogs.”
He recommended changing a child’s living environment
if parents are dissatisfied with their son’s or daughter’s
development and growth.
“You are your kids’ primary teachers,” Crudele
told the rapt listeners. “They reflect exactly what you
have taught them. Thus, we all need to help provide an environment
in which kids will be able to feel loved.”
In a handout to audience members, Crudele listed ways to develop
capable people out of young children. These ways include:
- Listen to them.
- Take them seriously.
- Avoid adultisms.
- Make them an important contributing part of something that
you do.
- Take time to explore their perceptions.
- Give them a chance to be involved validly in your emotional
life.
- Give them the dignity of seeking them out for advice or
involvement.
- Keep appointments with them as equally serious as appointments
with others.
- Find ways to trickle in your love and support randomly.
Otherwise, your child will equate levels of love and rejection
with their behavior, which may lead to their insecurities.
- Show recognition and appreciation versus praise.
Ways to Teach Values
Parents may share, teach and model their values to their children
in many effective ways. These include:
- Knowing your children’s whereabouts, activities and
friends.
- Providing consistent guidance.
- Encouraging self-discipline through giving children everyday
duties and holding them accountable for their actions.
- Establishing standards of behavior concerning drugs, drinking,
dating, curfews and unsupervised activities. Enforce these
standards consistently and fairly.
- Explaining to children at an early age that drug use is
wrong, harmful and unlawful. Reinforce this throughout adolescence.
- Encouraging children to stand by their convictions when
pressured to use drugs.
- Empowering children to ask for help. Don’t shame them
when they have a question.
